Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Grapes of Wrath Family Vacation

I just got back from my Grapes of Wrath family road trip vacation.  2280 miles through the northern California forests with my bride and five kids in our  165,000 mile Ford Expedition.  That car ran like a champ with a full roof rack and hitch hauler. Visited friends, watched forest fires, went river rafting, wakeboarding, shooting, fishing, hiking…. It was hysterically fun, even when we were arguing on the sometimes long legs of our journey between stops.  We reinforced something we always knew about each other, which is that our family will fight about ANYTHING.
"Look, a squirrel!"
That's not a squirrel.  That's a chipmunk."
There is no such thing as a Chipmunk in California.  The ranger told us that."
"Yeah, those are called California ground squirrels."
"No they're not."
"Yes they are.  I shot two of them with my pellet gun at our last stop in Truckee."
"You asshole.  Why would you shoot a chipmunk?  How does shooting one make you in charge of what I call them?"
I didn't shoot a chipmunk.  I shot a California ground squirrel.  Why are you so stupid?""
"Hey, shut up!"
"No. You shut up."
"Mom!  Isaac said he shot a Chipmunk"
"Isaac, you did not shoot a chipmunk, did you?"
"They are ground squirrels…  and No, I did not shoot any.  I just said that cuz Sarah is bugging me."
"Hey, FUCK  YOU Isaac."
"No, Fuck YOU!"
"Get your shitty pillow off of me."
" Don't kick me. Your feet smell.  You should see a doctor about that."
"Mommy, the big kids are using bad words."

"Am I going to have to stop this car?"